i wonder...

Oct. 5th, 2012 06:14 pm
hikaranko: (Default)
sometimes i'm just not sure whether or not people like me. is that weird?

so i just kind of hope that someone likes me enough to want to do something for my birthday when it happens.

i'm not saying that i want someone to plan out some huge party or throw gifts at me. i don't really care so much about the gifts. it's more just... the gesture of doing something with me, or for me. it's the thought. it's... thinking that someone does actually care about me. just because i'd kind of like that. nothing big, but still... something... special.

my birthday always gets eclipsed by something. a wedding, or some other party, or even school starting either that day or sometime that week. or there just being class to go to (and in college, your teacher generally doesn't know you personally enough to want to pause class for cake) and having a busy day. and i don't mind that. it's life. the world will turn regardless. it's just like i said. it's the thought. and it's nice.

now my birthday is nowhere near the right now. but it was my coworker's birthday today and we did this whole celebrating thing for him despite how busy the day was, just because it was fun and we've all become good friends. so it just got me thinking, that's all.

okay, that's enough. work was busy, but good, and i couldn't ask for a better job or for better coworkers. :)
hikaranko: (defeat)
Please respect the notion of "privacy."

I'd really like to be able to trust the people I call my friends, even if I met you online.

Thank you.
hikaranko: (one of those days)
i am... really messed up, i think.

i need to stop just saying things. i need to actually do them.
hikaranko: (defeat)
One of the quickest ways to lose some great friends:

Start talking about religion.

Never fails.
hikaranko: (one of those days)
i thought i was feeling better.

i guess i was wrong.
hikaranko: (Default)
this video... will probably always be one of my favorite Ranma videos ever. :3

Particle Man by Miki_Koishikawa
hikaranko: (one of those days)
 i'd written something here before, but it's gone now. chrome and LJ ate it.

i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter.

but here's the final thought: i'm all out of faith in myself.

that should do it.
hikaranko: (one of those days)
i leave for manila on the 24th.

i can't say i'm excited for the trip. on the one hand, yes i miss my family and it'd be cool to see some of my high school friends again and all that. on the other... i can't really think of much that i actually wanna do in the Philippines right now. AND i'm not looking forward to more 12-18 hour flights, especially not the one in which i'm stuck with my sister and her boyfriend. especially since my sister has become a source of irrational rage for me lately.

the holidays always kind of suck for me. i guess it goes with the territory of not being a celebrant of them.

oh well.
hikaranko: (one of those days)
 i feel like there's no one i can talk to about this.
hikaranko: (dazzle me bb)
so... i had an interesting dream, and i'm gonna try to write it out before i forget it. it was weird. i'm almost positive it was RP-inspired because of all the different characters that were there and the situation they were in. and of course i was sort of viewing most of it from Ed and Sora's POV. but anyway... i'm gonna try and recall it here, 'cause it was weird and random but also kinda cool.

there's this society. i'm guessing it's in a poor, dystopian world, which of course means that there's that perfect society in the middle of it all, claiming itself as paradise and the epicenter of current civilization. it's all white and pristine and stuff, and they've got technology and all that. BUT that's not where all the cool characters are. the cool characters are in this, like, slum area that's just a little ways outside of the white fortress. they're separated somehow, with mountains and a huge body of water. the white fortress has an access point from the slums- it's like a ski-lift, but it's super high speed and it takes you through a whole bunch of tunnels, and these tunnels are lined with screens that explain what it's like within the fortress walls to the people riding in on the ski-lift. i assume that thing was heavily guarded, otherwise why the hell would people be staying in the slum place.
but anyway, like i said, the cool people are in the slums. and it totally looks like the marketplace from Agrabah; dusty, super crowded, very loud and lively. and people are very much struggling to survive and make their living and whatnot. i remember being with a family, and there was something about healthy babies being rarely born and this family had an infant. and i was walking with the family and holding the baby at some point and they were all like "hide him, hide him!" so i was trying to, but people pretty much could see the baby and were making comments about new kids coming in. and there was this one person chilling around that totally looked like Envy and it was tripping me out.

and i remember there was a lot of just... chilling, figuring stuff out. and then i guess at some point i became Ed or something (well, somehow he turned up) and came up with this plan to seize the white fortress. i think the plan only came to him because something happened with a soldier or other authority figure and whatever it was, he didn't like it. so i remember there being a fight, and then Ed ran to the jail and did one of those attention-getting whistles as the soldiers/police/whatever were putting people into the cells. and Ed goes "if you don't need to be in here, get the FUCK OUT!!" and so everyone cheers and surges out of the cells, knocking the soldiers and stuff out. and Ed goes leading the charge on the ski-lift thing and everyone hops onto one.

it goes rushing to the white fortress and they see all the screens. and Ed's looking at all the screens and he realizes that they each display the different rules and credos that the "utopian society" follows.then there's a video about all the nice stuff inside the utopia, and how it all works. but then, while Ed and whoever else is in that tunnel, i got a look at what was actually going on at the place while they were describing stuff. so i remember there was something about a landing site for... something that i assume is similar to a helicopter or other flying thing. and there was that automated voice explaining how it worked, and how shit was automated and the plane-things used the distinct pattern of the landing site to find it and land by itself. but then, like. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast showed up, strutting around on the site and messing up the pattern by accident. ... there were a couple others like that, i remember a pool being mentioned even though its hardly used... but yeah, that was that. and then Ed and the others who were led in his charge got inside.

MEANWHILE - and we switched POVs because i woke up for 5 seconds to roll over - back at the slums, there's some kid (i dunno if he was from a show or not, though i think he might've been. i'm sure i knew his name while i was dreaming) who's getting picked on by other local kids. they're like, throwing stuff at him. rocks or eggs or... or whatever. and they're all mocking him telling him to say stupid things and mocking him or whatever the hell. and it's totally crossing a line, and you know it. but the kid's not budging, he just takes the hits, doesn't say anything, but he's definitely pretty mad. and then right when the kids tell him some specific line to say (damn, i can't remember what it was >_<), suddenly, out of NOWHERE, this giant wolf-beast-monster-creature pops out, knocks the other kids to the ground and growls the line at them. the kids run. one of them wets himself first. so the kid that got rescued just looks up to see who helped him... and who should be RIDING the damn monster thing? SORA from KH. and Sora's all smiling and like "close call, huh? c'mon, hop on!" and then they go off to try to get into the white fortress thing, too. there was a third person with them, some little creature kinda like Dobby or Gollum but friendlier and sillier. but yeah, they formed a group and off they went.

ELSEWHERE - there was a family of Asians. i get the distinct impression that they were Korean for whatever reason. they were very touristy, and they were standing at the edge of the body of water that separated the slum area from the utopia. and they were all planning to get across. they had apparently heard that there were jet skis somewhere in the area and that those could be used to get across because they wouldn't set off the mines in the water, or wouldn't be detected by radar, or something like that. but there are only like, two or three people in the group who are being totally serious about this. the rest of them are very touristy, and they're all bubbly and excited. but when they get to the jet-ski place, they arrive just in time to see more rebellion stuffs - a whole bunch of people swoop in and snatch the jet-skis up. and they're all like "AW CRAP, now what?!" so while they're trying to figure that out, one of their touristy relative-people is taking pictures. she takes a picture in the general direction of soldier/guard things, and the flash goes off. and obviously it alerts them. so these soldier dudes come in after like, 10 seconds, and they have these crazy ass ray-guns - i think they disintegrated stuff. so they point them at the poor Korean family and start disintegrating them one by one. i have a very distinct memory of the grandmother being like "where are we going?!" as she vanished. :(

... i know there was another part. it involved being in a bathroom after a shower and looking at towels, and knowing that the towel i had around my shoulders was not made of the same stuff as the towels in the utopia, and that if any piece of my towel fell off and got analyzed, i'd be screwed. ... but i think it was somewhere around then that the dream ended.

...weird, huh? it'd make for an interesting story setting, though!
hikaranko: (Default)
first of all... i should not be sitting at my computer in a wig just for kicks, because that's... just odd of me. but whatever.

SECONDLY!! i feel like my life has suddenly exploded with activity. i've been able to hang on to my on-campus school job, despite having graduated last spring, so i can't even begin to talk about how frikkin' awesome that is. i mean, sure it's barely more than minimum wage, but income is income and i can't complain. but in addition to that job, what was once an internship officially turned into an odd sort of part-time job, but with the way things are running at that tiny little start-up film company at the moment, it's actually threatening to become a full-fledged full-time job! which, needless to say, WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY. i do have my complaints about what i do there and what it's like, but i'm hoping that'll all change once more money comes in and we're employed full-time.

but not only that? my sister, who works as some... immigration thing in DC (idek, i just know she gets lots of money for it :|) called me the other day asking if she could hire me to animate something for her. and i'm not sure, but i think my eyes bugged right out of my head when i heard her say that. the job itself sounds fairly simple and straightforward, and i'm sure i could totally do it if set my mind to it. so yeah, now i'm just waiting on her to give me exact info so i get to it. :D

ANOTHER THING. i got to see Back to the Future in the theater over the weekend. :D and as a huge BttF nerd, let me tell you, IT WAS AWESOME. tickets were sold out the day of, some people came in costume - we actually saw a real fucking delorean in the fucking parking lot. I WANTED IT. though me and my sister were like "...i'm not used to seeing it without all the stuff on the back o.o" i also saw some guy in the full Marty McFly outfit, orange lifevest, denim jacket and everything. and then some other people with the multi-colored 2015 hats! so YEAH. NERDS UNITE.

but seriously, it was awesome to see it on the big screen. i mean, that NEVER happens. except it apparently does for the 25th anniversary of the nerdiest, greatest movie OF ALL TIME. they even gave out posters after the screening, and you can bet that i grabbed several :| i gave one to my boyfriend as apology for him miss it, but still. SEVERAL.

... also i swear i'll get to updating the Disneyland thing. i'm waiting on pictures. :(
hikaranko: (excitement)
so i got to go to the Mickey Halloween Party at Disneyland yesterday!! 

best day to go EVER. seriously.

because it was pretty much raining all day long. so getting to run around the park in full costume with a wig that's completely spiked up and out while hairspray killing water kept falling out of the sky on it?  was awesome. and i'm only half being sarcastic. xD

the day started out simple enough. i had work in the morning until 1, and after that i headed over to Fluffy and AyaToki's place via the Gold Line (i have now officially gone on every railway system in Los Angeles except the Purple Line, but that's almost the same as the Red Line so screw it xD). i was laughing 'cause their house is literally right by it. but yeah, that part of the day was interesting... i was more or less already in my costume, just so that i'd be saving myself the hassle of completely changing into it when i got to their place. it just needed a few extra things, like the wig and the bandages and the tattoo/scar combo on the right arm. AyaToki got changed into Russel Tringham America, Fluffy DID NOTHING, and then we were off!

we're almost certain that people going down the freeway near us were staring at the BRIGHT BLUE HAIR on my head. but WHATEVER GUYS. MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE.

and yeah, the weather at this point? while i was at work, it had been raining a little bit, off and on. it stopped raining by the time i was off, and then when i got to the sisters' place it was SO SUNNY AND WARM. we were all like "wtf, this weather." and then as we were driving down the freeway things went from sunny... to cloudy... to drizzling. by the time we got to Disneyland, it was sprinkling. we had to wait for Jen and Bruce at the trams, so we did. got sprinkled on some more in the meantime. and i actually got recognized!! the chick mixed the name up at first and was all "DEATH STAR!" at me. apparently i'm the Death Star. :3 that's kind of cool.

so Jen shows up in her Hungary cosplay (she's so adorable in it!) and then we board the tram. and literally, 15 seconds after we get on the tram? it starts POURING. and our contingency plan for rain wasn't... so good... mine was to just mostly get wet. ^_^;; I HAD AN UMBRELLA but yeah.

first thing we do when we get into the park was go running into the nearest indoor place, which was the Abe Lincoln thing. which was actually kinda cool for a number of reasons: 1) it was dry there. 2) America got to take some nice patriotic pictures. 3) Hungary got to take some pretty pictures. and we were apparently waiting for more people to join us in the park anyway, so we thought that'd be a good place to do it. i hung around and watched the 50 Years of Magic video that had been in that theater, and while i was standing there watching, this old guy walked by, staring at my hair, and went "that's beautiful." i... didn't really know what to do so i just laughed and thanked him. funny old man. :3

so once more people arrived (one carrying $700 worth of photography gear-- which was pretty damn awesome in its own way) we set out again. and this time the rain had lessened significantly. we trusted it enough to forego the umbrellas for a bit, anyway. and this is where ADVENTURE BEGAN.

we were there at 3, and the Halloween party stuff didn't start until 6, so we had time to just. run around Disneyland in costume. so naturally, we hit up as many rides as we could. Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion... we started the ride hopping late, so by the time we got out of Haunted Mansion some of the Halloween stuff was set up...

... i feel like this story needs pictures. i shall wait until i get them to tell the rest. xP


Oct. 13th, 2010 06:05 pm
hikaranko: (excitement)

 edit// i have no idea what video was supposed to be embedded here.
... oh well. xD;;
hikaranko: (one of those days)
 apparently today's just... one of those days.

do you ever wake up and just... know something is going to go horribly wrong that day? like there's just... something off. you can't place it, and you don't know what exactly is going to happen, but you're sure that something is going to suck up the rest of the day?

well, that was today for me.

so i tried to avoid it by staying home. but this kind of thing is always unavoidable. naturally, it follows me. it finds me online, and puts it all there, and then that's it. that's me being doomed to suffer through the horrible thing that's coming. and the weird thing is that, with me, it's never shit that i'm directly involved in. it's stuff with my friends, or my family, or whatever. and then i somehow end up feeling responsible. i somehow end up feeling like i have to help fix it, when most of the time there's really nothing i can do.

*sigh* honestly, i don't really know what's going on anymore. everything feels so surreal. everything everyone says seems so distant. i feel so... completely disconnected. and i feel like any attempt to bridge that gap, to reconnect, is getting thwarted. thwarted by some stupid paranoia that everything i do isn't right, even if i try to make it look right 'cause people can see right through it.

guh, i dunno. i'm probably just really extraordinarily abnormal and that's that. :\

back to the point. today was not a good day. it was full of weird and stupid and fail and horrible, and i wish it would end a little faster............................................................................................................................................................................................................

hikaranko: (Default)

Your result for Roleplayer Test!...

The Fantasy Hero

Plotful, Action-Oriented, Platonic

You are the classic tabletop roleplayer, the complete opposite of the Shipper. You like long, involved, continuous quests with lots of fighting and adventure, and probably enjoy seeing your character's skills and attributes grow, whether or not actual game mechanics are involved. You're more active than re-active in terms of game events: you're confident as  a player and more than willing to jump in and steer the plot, which makes you a godsend to many a GM/moderator. However, your characters tend to be fairly static in terms of personality and character relationships, and you are the type of roleplayer most likely to succumb to powergaming and rules-lawyering.


Take Roleplayer Test! at HelloQuizzy

hikaranko: (DO NOT WANT D8)
 geebus, has it been that long? o___o;;

so apparently, my laptop is in need of a video card transplant. for a long time the screen had these colored dotted lines at the bottom of the screen. in the past week and a half or so, it's started flashing whatever is in the top 1/20th of the screen on the bottom. and just today, the entire display has started... twitching, for lack of a better word. i looked up what could possibly be wrong, and my best bet? the video card is damaged. it needs to be replaced.

on the plus side? a video card isn't terribly expensive. my issue is that i'm not really sure how to find out what video card i should be getting. do i get a new one of the one that the laptop came with, or can i get a better one altogether? and then... how to install it? can i really do that by myself? .___.;;

*siiiiiiiiiigh* i have horrible luck with computers. also on the plus side, at least it's not completely broken beyond repair.

in other news... i am going to be cosplaying Spartoi uniform!Black*Star at the Disneyland Halloween thingy! i'm excited to run around being loud :3
hikaranko: (defeat)
somebody, for the love of anything good, stop the fucking drama.


hikaranko: (Default)

October 2012

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