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*shakes fist at Jared*
I've become a little obsessed with GLaDOS, from the Portal game. funniest AI thing ever. i looked for a script for the game on GameFAQs.com and bwahaha, it was there!! for easy access to all the computer's crazy, silly quotes! it totally just cracks me up!!
SO RANDOM. I LOVE IT. XD
and then of course there's the fact that i've been driving my sister nuts by singing "Still Alive" all day long. because i downloaded it. and through repetitive listening, i've got a good bulk of it memorized now. heehee, i do so enjoy random things...
SO RANDOM. I LOVE IT. XD
"You're doing very well. Please be advised that a noticable taste of blood is
not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture
Science Material Emancipation Grille, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate
dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."
"As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we
would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication. Good job. As part
of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three, two, o--"
"Unbelievable! You, {SUBJECT NAME HERE}, must be the pride of {SUBJECT HOMETOWN HERE}"
"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the
chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record. Followed by death. Good luck!"
"The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible.
Make no attempt to solve it."
"No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response."
"Quit now and cake will be served immediately."
"Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism."
"Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very,
very long time. If you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out.
An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline."
"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture
Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"
"Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android
Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."
"The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are
superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The
Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never
threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
"While it has been a faithful companion, your companion cube cannot accompany
you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center
takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go
on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
"The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Center is required to
remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake."
"What are you doing? Stop it! I-i-i-i-i-... Weeee are pleased that you made it
through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We
are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your
tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach
with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect
you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume
the 'Party Escort Submission Position' or you will miss the party."
"I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you."
"I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone."
"The difference between us is that I can feel pain. You don't even care, do
you? Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?"
"Huh! There isn't enough Neurotoxin to kill you, so I guess you win. Ha! I'm
making more. That's going to take a few minutes though. Meanwhile, oh, look,
it's your old pal, the Rocket Turret."
"That thing you burnt up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic
cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
"Okay, we're even now. You can stop."
"Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten... in base four
I'M FINE! Look. You're wasting your time. And believe me. You don't have a
whole lot left to waste. What's your point anyway? Survival? Well then, the
last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently
backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on... '~Hellooooo~' That's you! That's how
dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done,
including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a
doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
"Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup. Stop!
Okay, enough, I deleted it. No matter what happens now you're dead. You're
still shuffling around a little, but believe me, you're dead. The part of you
that could have survived indefinately is gone. I just struck you from the
permanent record. Your entire life has been a mathematical error... A
mathematical error I'm about to correct."
not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture
Science Material Emancipation Grille, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate
dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."
"As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we
would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication. Good job. As part
of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three, two, o--"
"Unbelievable! You, {SUBJECT NAME HERE}, must be the pride of {SUBJECT HOMETOWN HERE}"
"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the
chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record. Followed by death. Good luck!"
"The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible.
Make no attempt to solve it."
"No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response."
"Quit now and cake will be served immediately."
"Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism."
"Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very,
very long time. If you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out.
An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline."
"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture
Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"
"Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android
Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."
"The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are
superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The
Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never
threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
"While it has been a faithful companion, your companion cube cannot accompany
you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center
takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go
on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
"The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Center is required to
remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake."
"What are you doing? Stop it! I-i-i-i-i-... Weeee are pleased that you made it
through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We
are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your
tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach
with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect
you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume
the 'Party Escort Submission Position' or you will miss the party."
"I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you."
"I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone."
"The difference between us is that I can feel pain. You don't even care, do
you? Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?"
"Huh! There isn't enough Neurotoxin to kill you, so I guess you win. Ha! I'm
making more. That's going to take a few minutes though. Meanwhile, oh, look,
it's your old pal, the Rocket Turret."
"That thing you burnt up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic
cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
"Okay, we're even now. You can stop."
"Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten... in base four
I'M FINE! Look. You're wasting your time. And believe me. You don't have a
whole lot left to waste. What's your point anyway? Survival? Well then, the
last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently
backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on... '~Hellooooo~' That's you! That's how
dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done,
including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a
doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
"Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup. Stop!
Okay, enough, I deleted it. No matter what happens now you're dead. You're
still shuffling around a little, but believe me, you're dead. The part of you
that could have survived indefinately is gone. I just struck you from the
permanent record. Your entire life has been a mathematical error... A
mathematical error I'm about to correct."
and then of course there's the fact that i've been driving my sister nuts by singing "Still Alive" all day long. because i downloaded it. and through repetitive listening, i've got a good bulk of it memorized now. heehee, i do so enjoy random things...