hikaranko

sometimes i'm just not sure whether or not people like me. is that weird?

so i just kind of hope that someone likes me enough to want to do something for my birthday when it happens.

i'm not saying that i want someone to plan out some huge party or throw gifts at me. i don't really care so much about the gifts. it's more just... the gesture of doing something with me, or for me. it's the thought. it's... thinking that someone does actually care about me. just because i'd kind of like that. nothing big, but still... something... special.

my birthday always gets eclipsed by something. a wedding, or some other party, or even school starting either that day or sometime that week. or there just being class to go to (and in college, your teacher generally doesn't know you personally enough to want to pause class for cake) and having a busy day. and i don't mind that. it's life. the world will turn regardless. it's just like i said. it's the thought. and it's nice.

now my birthday is nowhere near the right now. but it was my coworker's birthday today and we did this whole celebrating thing for him despite how busy the day was, just because it was fun and we've all become good friends. so it just got me thinking, that's all.

okay, that's enough. work was busy, but good, and i couldn't ask for a better job or for better coworkers. :)

 i feel like there's no one i can talk to about this.

so i got to go to the Mickey Halloween Party at Disneyland yesterday!! 

best day to go EVER. seriously.

because it was pretty much raining all day long. so getting to run around the park in full costume with a wig that's completely spiked up and out while hairspray killing water kept falling out of the sky on it?  was awesome. and i'm only half being sarcastic. xD

the day started out simple enough. i had work in the morning until 1, and after that i headed over to Fluffy and AyaToki's place via the Gold Line (i have now officially gone on every railway system in Los Angeles except the Purple Line, but that's almost the same as the Red Line so screw it xD). i was laughing 'cause their house is literally right by it. but yeah, that part of the day was interesting... i was more or less already in my costume, just so that i'd be saving myself the hassle of completely changing into it when i got to their place. it just needed a few extra things, like the wig and the bandages and the tattoo/scar combo on the right arm. AyaToki got changed into Russel Tringham America, Fluffy DID NOTHING, and then we were off!

we're almost certain that people going down the freeway near us were staring at the BRIGHT BLUE HAIR on my head. but WHATEVER GUYS. MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE.

and yeah, the weather at this point? while i was at work, it had been raining a little bit, off and on. it stopped raining by the time i was off, and then when i got to the sisters' place it was SO SUNNY AND WARM. we were all like "wtf, this weather." and then as we were driving down the freeway things went from sunny... to cloudy... to drizzling. by the time we got to Disneyland, it was sprinkling. we had to wait for Jen and Bruce at the trams, so we did. got sprinkled on some more in the meantime. and i actually got recognized!! the chick mixed the name up at first and was all "DEATH STAR!" at me. apparently i'm the Death Star. :3 that's kind of cool.

so Jen shows up in her Hungary cosplay (she's so adorable in it!) and then we board the tram. and literally, 15 seconds after we get on the tram? it starts POURING. and our contingency plan for rain wasn't... so good... mine was to just mostly get wet. ^_^;; I HAD AN UMBRELLA but yeah.

first thing we do when we get into the park was go running into the nearest indoor place, which was the Abe Lincoln thing. which was actually kinda cool for a number of reasons: 1) it was dry there. 2) America got to take some nice patriotic pictures. 3) Hungary got to take some pretty pictures. and we were apparently waiting for more people to join us in the park anyway, so we thought that'd be a good place to do it. i hung around and watched the 50 Years of Magic video that had been in that theater, and while i was standing there watching, this old guy walked by, staring at my hair, and went "that's beautiful." i... didn't really know what to do so i just laughed and thanked him. funny old man. :3

so once more people arrived (one carrying $700 worth of photography gear-- which was pretty damn awesome in its own way) we set out again. and this time the rain had lessened significantly. we trusted it enough to forego the umbrellas for a bit, anyway. and this is where ADVENTURE BEGAN.

we were there at 3, and the Halloween party stuff didn't start until 6, so we had time to just. run around Disneyland in costume. so naturally, we hit up as many rides as we could. Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion... we started the ride hopping late, so by the time we got out of Haunted Mansion some of the Halloween stuff was set up...

... i feel like this story needs pictures. i shall wait until i get them to tell the rest. xP

 apparently today's just... one of those days.

do you ever wake up and just... know something is going to go horribly wrong that day? like there's just... something off. you can't place it, and you don't know what exactly is going to happen, but you're sure that something is going to suck up the rest of the day?

well, that was today for me.

so i tried to avoid it by staying home. but this kind of thing is always unavoidable. naturally, it follows me. it finds me online, and puts it all there, and then that's it. that's me being doomed to suffer through the horrible thing that's coming. and the weird thing is that, with me, it's never shit that i'm directly involved in. it's stuff with my friends, or my family, or whatever. and then i somehow end up feeling responsible. i somehow end up feeling like i have to help fix it, when most of the time there's really nothing i can do.

*sigh* honestly, i don't really know what's going on anymore. everything feels so surreal. everything everyone says seems so distant. i feel so... completely disconnected. and i feel like any attempt to bridge that gap, to reconnect, is getting thwarted. thwarted by some stupid paranoia that everything i do isn't right, even if i try to make it look right 'cause people can see right through it.

guh, i dunno. i'm probably just really extraordinarily abnormal and that's that. :\

back to the point. today was not a good day. it was full of weird and stupid and fail and horrible, and i wish it would end a little faster............................................................................................................................................................................................................

meh.

somebody, for the love of anything good, stop the fucking drama.

so like. i took my behind-the-wheel driver's test this morning!

.... 8D;;;;;

YEEAAAAHHHHH, that went... interestingly.

i didn't make too many errors, actually. i was even able to do that backing up thing just fine! but one of the mistakes i made was accidentally turning into the wrong side of the street in a residential zone. y'know, those areas where there are no lines dividing the lanes? yeah. that. i was making a left, and i stayed too much on the left turning in. which was, y'know, bad. as in, auto-fail bad.

but whatever! it would've been amazing if i'd passed the test on the first try. XD so i just have to go back in and do it again someday. no worries, i think. at least i generally know how to drive, and i'm not that bad at it. it's not like i was speeding or failing to check for pedestrians and stuff like that.

in my defense, though? i was freaking nervous as all hell. i was taking the test near freaking downtown LA. i have reasons to be worried!

next time? so gonna take it somewhere nice and peaceful. :P